


talk baby to me

by DoeEyedButterFly



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26154883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoeEyedButterFly/pseuds/DoeEyedButterFly
Summary: Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.
Relationships: Rachel Amber/Chloe Price
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

"Babe," Chloe opened the door and took off her boots the moment she saw that the floor was freshly mopped and polished.  
She dropped her keys in the ashtray they hadn't used in ages.

"Hey," she greeted Rachel, who was watering a plant, and leaned forward, but Rachel turned her head away and plucked a brown leaf.  
"Okay," Chloe shrugged, crossing her arms.  
"You wanna tell me, what's going on?"  
Rachel brought the watering can to the kitchen sink and emptied it.  
"Rachel?"  
"I had a very interesting conversation with Mom today."  
"Sera or Rose?"  
...  
  
"Rachel?"  
  
"Joyce"  
"Ah. Mom called you?"  
"Oh don't act all stupid, you told her to talk to me, didn't you?"  
"No, I haven't. I swear. What's the matter with you?"  
"What's the matter with _me_? What's wrong with _you_? I can't believe you told your mother that I don't want to have children. How could you do that?"  
"Oh," laughed Chloe, "come on, she asked the last time we were in Arcadia, we talked about it a few times after that and she sent me articles and stuff. Why does that upset you?"  
"You've got to be kidding me."  
Chloe went to the sink to stand right behind Rachel and put her arms around her, pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her neck. "Babe"  
"No, stop that," Rachel tried to swipe Chloe's arms away.  
"Come on," Chloe whispered right into Rachel's ear, gently biting the soft skin on Rachel's earlobe.  
Rachel gave a short groan and Chloe took the chance and slipped a hand under Rachel's shirt.  
"Chloe" tried Rachel again and arched back, but not particularly successfully, because there was no room in front of her or behind her, Chloe held her tightly and refused to release her.  
"Ssshh, you're shaking", Chloe whispered and gently stroked Rachel's stomach before slowly working her way down, teasing her with her fingertips.  
"I-I am really mad at you" sighed Rachel, her knees trembling.  
"Mmmh, good", Chloe replied by holding onto Rachel's hips, quickly turning her around and pushing her tongue into her mouth.

Very soon Rachel was shaking again, this time though not out of anger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

Rain lashed the two women around the ears and soaked their clothes to the bone. Holding hands, they tried to jump over the puddles, although that obviously didn't work.  
"Quick babe, open the door", shouted Rachel, as they finally both stepped on the mat.  
With cold stiffening fingers, Chloe fumbled the front door key from her jeans that were clinging to her burning skin.

"Come on, god I'm so shit cold" Rachel's teeth chattered and she rubbed her bare arms.  
Chloe rattled the lock and then threw herself against the slightly jammed door, the warmth hit them and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief.  
"YES," she shouted out and kicked off her shoes on the doorstep. Chloe tripped over Rachel's knee when she tried to get in as quickly as possible and as a result hit her nose on the hallway tiles.  
"Fuck! Owww!"  
"Oh no" Rachel picked Chloe under the arm pits and helped her up.  
The two women laughed and trembled and laughed a little more.  
"Can you see my nipples? I think I could cut ice with them." Rachel pulled the white, sticky-from-rain, top from her torso and Chloe was a little too excited helping with that.

  
A bathtub full of hot water, foam, a subtle scented candle and half a bottle of wine later, Chloe, completely lost in thought, played with Rachel's belly button, her head leaned against Rachel's neck.  
"Listen my love, do you want to go on a date with me this weekend? Just you and me?"  
Rachel just smiled and then snuggled herself tightly into Chloe's arms.  
  
Later in bed, Chloe caressed Rachel's thighs, telling her she still had this unused gift card, she got from her mom and how they should go to the mall and each pick out a nice outfit for the other to go on their date.  
"What are you going to pick for me?", asked Rachel. "Something cute or elegant or... sexy?"  
Chloe grinned and moved her fingers a little higher up Rachel's thigh. "You'll see."

  
  
  
  
"Chloe? Chloe? Chlooooooooeee!" Rachel walked through one rag of clothes to the other.

She just couldn't find it.  
Maybe there was a problem with the table in the restaurant and Chloe was on the phone somewhere outside to sort it out, the best thing would be to take the navy blue blouse she had chosen for Chloe and go to the cash register.  
When Chloe still hadn't shown up by her side ten minutes later, Rachel began to worry. She was just pulling out her cell phone and dialing Chloe's number when she heard a familiar "amazeballs" followed by "Can I give it a try?"  
According to the sound it could be just a few feet away.

Rachel looked around, paced every corner of the mall story without success, she could hear Chloe's laugh though and doubted her sanity just a little, and then she saw the escalator.  
She drove down, right to the beginning of the children's section.  
Chloe stood next to a rag of children's jackets, one of them navy blue with white plush balls hung over her arm. She made huge bubbles for two prepubescent girls who laughed and tried to catch them with mouths and hands.  
  
Rachel's eyes fell on the children's jacket again, she squinted her eyes, nothing else. Chloe had nothing else taken down here with her or anything around her.  
Before anyone could see Rachel, she took the escalator upstairs and as she got off the top step, she texted Chloe.  
"Couldn't find you, I'm in the restaurant across the street, waiting for you."  
  
She gave her a minute, two, ten, waited.  
The message was sent from her phone but not read by the other. No answer, still none after fifteen minutes.  
Rachel half turned and looked down the escalator. She considered just calling Chloe for a moment.  
Then she went to the checkout registry again.

"Excuse me, I'd like to return this blouse."  
"Oh, but ..."  
"I just bought this here for my wife, but uhm, I don't think navy goes well with her."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

Rachel scrolled through the news on her cell and was sipping the piping hot coffee in her cup when Chloe quietly walked into the kitchen, but the noises that her slippers made when going up and down had already given her away outside the swinging door.  
"Hey babe," Chloe said hesitantly and poured coffee into the cup on the kitchen counter.  
It was unusual for Rachel to be awake before her.  
"Hey," Rachel said curtly without looking up from her phone.

Usually Chloe enjoyed making coffee for both of them in the morning and breakfast too, but an empty bowl and a used spoon in the sink showed that Rachel must have had breakfast without her, surely she must be tired of waiting. _Just like..._

"How long have you been up?"  
"'n hour"  
"Why didn't you wake me up?"  
"Why would I? You slept deeply."  
"OK"

Chloe grabbed a granola bar from the fridge and sat down at the kitchen table across from Rachel.  
"Babe? Are you ... still mad at me about yesterday?"  
Rachel just looked up for a moment.  
"Mmh," she went on, whatever that meant.  
Chloe puffed into her cup, played with her wedding ring on the free hand that held nothing.  
"Rachel, can you say something please ?"

Rachel put her cell phone aside and stood up.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You were angry at me yesterday, because I kept you waiting in that mall, without saying anything and well that ... and then ... uhm..."

"Oh, you mean whether I'm angry because you left me in the freaking mall after you actually intended to do something nice _for_ _me_ , or do you think I'm angry because you promised afterwards in the restaurant, it's all about you and me and then spent the entire evening staring at the toddler at the next table and turning our romantic date into a damn kindergarten?  
No, no, I'm not. At all."

"Rachel, I'm really sorry, honestly."  
"What is going on with you?"  
"Nothing."  
"Are you on your period?"  
"No why?"  
"It's okay, don't think about it."  
"Rachel ..."  
"I'm going for a jog. Do you wanna come?"  
"What? But it's still raining."  
"That's fine."  
"Wait babe, I-"  
"When I get back, okay, hold that thought."

Rachel got up, emptied her cup in one go, coughed briefly and put everything, including the dishes in the sink, into the dishwasher.  
Chloe was still trying to say something, but Rachel just grabbed the paper from the granola bar and tossed it in the trash can, then turned on her heel and walked out the door.  
Exactly six minutes later, Chloe heard Rachel's sneakers by the door.  
"Later," called Rachel out of sight. Then the door opened and closed again.  
Chloe tried to remember the last time she wasn't kissed in the morning, but couldn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

Chloe put the spatula aside and cursed a hundred times in her mind.  
She didn't get the stencil ready in time and the customer had jumped off. Great!  
Now lunch was in danger of getting burnt.

Chloe hastily poured the rest of the bottle of wine into the pot and let the roast stew a little more.  
Yes baby it would taste so good.  
She stirred in the pot and thought of the taste of that same wine on Rachel's lips, thought of how Rachel had previously pressed her body to Chloe's in the bathtub, thought of how she had grabbed Rachel's hips and pulled her in close, thought of how Rachel had kissed her neck over and over and the way she rubbed against Chloe's thighs.  
Chloe closed her eyes and thought about how they laughed together, how they lathered each other, how different Rachel's moans sounded when she was a little drunk and how Rachel's eyelids fluttered when Chloe gave her oral pleasure.

The hissing of the boiling pot ripped Chloe out of her thoughts, she turned the heat regulator and took care of lunch again, she missed her wife.  
It was getting cooler outside. Her gaze wandered through the kitchen, she stepped to the doorstep and examined the living room extensively.

For a moment she left the food to itself and went into the bedroom. She went to the bed, close to Rachel's side, and picked up her pillow. Chloe pressed it firmly into her face, sniffing in the scent of her wife that had fascinated her for years.  
She loved it and she loved Rachel.  
She looked out of the window, from here she could see exactly the start of the jogging route. How much longer would Rachel work out today?  
Her gaze fell on Rachel's bedside table. Her cell phone was there. She hadn't taken it with her. Maybe to avoid having to talk to her wife?

Chloe picked up the cell phone and went back to the kitchen.  
She opened the last chat with Rose. It was about when Rachel's parents would finally visit them again in their home and whether Chloe and Rachel wouldn’t feel like coming with them to the small holiday home in Brittany to spend a few days together.  
Chloe only knew the house from pictures so far, so far the two women had successfully avoided vacationing with the Ambers, but they hadn't gone on vacation for a long time.  
Maybe they both needed a little distance from this apartment, from this area, maybe ...

Chloe checked the roast one last time, then looked out the window when she couldn't see Rachel anywhere, tapped the contact with the name "Rose Amber / Mom" and waited until her mother-in-law on the other end answered it.

  
Rachel put her wedding ring in the space provided in a small glass bowl in the bathroom and washed her hands, then her face, and then put some cream on before brushing her hair.  
Every now and then her gaze slid over her wife's face in the mirror. The whole time she seemed to be looking at them without saying a word.  
"Aren't you tired yet," Rachel asked, her mouth full of toothpaste, toothbrush in hand.  
Chloe shook her head wordlessly and waited for Rachel to rinse her mouth and then put on her wedding ring again.  
"Babe, what's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
"Nothing is going on. I like to look at you. Are you coming to bed?"  
"I intend to, yes," Rachel replied, taking Chloe's hand.

Snuggled into the blankets, spooning in the dim light of a single street lamp, Chloe finally spoke up.  
"So, ... so I've been thinking."  
"Yeah?"  
Chloe stroked her fingertips very gently over Rachel's arm.

"You know ... I really think we should move. I think ... yes. We could afford a house, even a big one, if you don't insist on living in a metropolis. I don't mean a suburb, but one City with parks, churches and playgrounds but also great restaurants, clubs and movie theaters.

We could move a little closer to your parents, or maybe mine, I don't know. If you want, they are not getting any younger but you might want to spend a little more time with them. "

"Chloe ... what? Where is that coming from?"

"I- oh I don't know but ..."

"What's wrong with our apartment?"  
"Nothing at all, it's awesome, we could afford a house though, our own, one big enough to fill it with life."

"With life?"

"That's just a thought."

"Oh my poor baby," Rachel said, stroking Chloe's cheek in the dark. "Do you miss the cat?"  
They had to have Daisy put to sleep a while ago, her pain had simply become too unbearable in the old days, for both humans and animal.  
"Or are you thinking of Otto and Ollie? It could have been really nice if you hadn't developed an allergy to them."  
Chloe sniffed, thinking of how many pets they already had together in this apartment, a small hole burned in her heart, but not one that could not be filled otherwise.

"No, it's okay," Chloe whispered and pulled Rachel tighter, putting her hand on Rachel's stomach.

Rachel put her hand on Chloe's and crossed her two hands.  
"Don't you like L.A. anymore? That's our dream."  
"Oh babe, I like Los Angeles, but that was the dream when we were much younger and dumber than we are now.  
Everything is so expensive here. I mean come on, you're not a model anymore, you don't have that many roles and we spend a lot of our time in the home office or on call anyway. "

Rachel resisted Chloe's hand for a moment, gave in then though, when she felt Chloe's gaze on her in the dark.  
She was serious.

Rachel was silent for a moment.  
"A small house in a bigger city with a pool and maybe ... someday another cat..."

Chloe swallowed, then cleared her throat.  
"I was actually thinking of uhm, a medium-sized house, in a somewhat quieter but not dead town, with a big backyard and maybe ... someday a swing... for our ... child."

The street lamp flickered and Chloe saw Rachel's face turn from semi-darkness into total darkness. But she would never forget the expression on her face.

"Can you at least think about it? Please?"

Rachel didn't answer right away.

  
"Rachel please."

"Okay."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Sure"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

"Hi guys, welcome back to our channel. Thank you for all of your comments on our last video, if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it, we did take you on a tour of our new house and showed you what we love about it and you got to meet our new cat Millie. She was a stray and we took her in, don't forget that you can still donate to "every meow counts", because Millie is super cute and so are her brothers and sisters, BUT none of them is as cute aaaaaaas...", Rachel quickly got up behind the table, slid the door to the living room back open to leave he patio and stepped into the cozy warmth of the house. She focused the camera on herself again, with Chloe in the background sitting cross-legged, back turned towards Rachel and the camera in front of a giant fireplace.  
When she noticed Rachel right by her side, Chloe half turned around and smiled her widest smile. There in her arms was a tiny baby with dark hair and dark eyes, staring into the red bright light of the recording camera.  
"... this little oneeee", squealed Rachel.  
  
"Meet Josie" said Chloe quietly and rocked the little girl in her arms.  
"Yes guys, we have a baby now", said Chloe and Rachel narowed her eyes, shaking her head no.  
"We have a _friends_ baby for _a day_. Or actually tonight and then some time until her mom picks her up in the morning. We will watch Josie and make sure, she is okay. As you can tell from the title of this video, we are not babysitting her, we are trying to parent her. Whatever that means. But this is just a teaser, so stay tuned and watch as we fail terribly, or at least I will because honestly, I think Chloe has her shit down."  
Chloe playfully kicked Rachel in the shin. "Don't say 'shit' in front of my baby."  
  
Rachel laughed her pretty laugh into the camera and went for a marker to note a montage of them doing things wrong with the baby had to follow this announcement, also she had to bleep the bad words out.  
She was terrified, but at least this was good content.  
  
  
Before going back out, she changed the battery of her camera, she already captured five hours of Chloe holding Josie, Chloe singing to Josie, Chloe feeding Josie, Chloe calling for gloves that Rachel had to get from her small built-in-closet-dark-room, to change Josie, Chloe playing with Josie and the cat at the same time, Chloe clearing out Josie's nose, which was disgusting as fuck, Chloe giving Josie a bath, which was the cutest thing ever, Chloe having to change, because she got peed on by Josie, Chloe cradeling Josie, Chloe sweet-talking a high pitched screaming Josie, Chloe emergency calling Josie's mom, just to get confirmation everything was fine and Chloe kissing all over Josie.  
  
  
Rachel picked up the camera from her desk and went back out to the living room, aiming for the kitchen to make herself some cocoa, she felt a little frosty tonight.  
Two days until December, they had to set up the Christmas lights, maybe tomorrow, when the baby was gone. Tonight would be hell.   
  
  
Two cups of hot chocolate later, Rachel passed by Chloe swaddling Josie. She set the cups down and started recording again.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I'll get her to sleep, it's late."  
"Looks like you are packing her up to ship her somewhere."  
"I am", laughed Chloe. "Right into your heart, babe."  
  
Rachel said nothing, she zoomed in on the babies face.  
  
Chloe picked her up and put her lips against the tiny baby forhead, while patting Josie's back gently.  
"Mmh, uhmm", said the baby and her head fell against Chloe's chest, her strong little fingers still holding Chloe's hand.  
"She's snoring", giggled Rachel, "that was so fast, guys, Chloe knocked her out."  
  
"I did everything today", murmured Chloe and Rachel wasn't sure, if her wife was talking to the camera or to her. "Tomorrow is your turn, or tonight, when she cries."  
"I didn't sign up for that."  
"Haha, we'll see."   
  


  
Rachel turned the camera one more time to her face. "Okay guys, I think that's a wrap, we're going to sleep now too. Goodnight, byeeeee."

"Okay, so I read somewhere that babies shouldn't be in car seats for too long, because their backs are curved in that position and so you should rather put them on a flat surface or on the ground, so they don't fall down, because you know, if you are down already, you can't fall any further."  
"Did some research babe?"   
Chloe wiggled her brows and built a fort of pillows and placed them in a circle around the baby, after that, she put down a fluffy carpet and placed the sleeping baby on it, then slowly got up, grabbed the sleeping bag for Josie and gently pulled her arms through, she secured the binky and rest her head on one of the pillows.  
"Are you going to sleep next to her?", asked Rachel, whispering to not wake Josie up.  
"Just watching her for now, I'll come to bed in a few."  
  
Rachel, knowing Chloe, went to their bedroom and got a blanket to pull over Chloe, there was no fucking chance her wife would join her in bed tonight.  
  
She connected her laptop with the camera, took one sip from her cup of cocoa and started editing, just to get halfway through the material, before her head sank down on her arms, drifting to sleep, until a high pitched scream an hour and twenty minutes later had her almost falling off her chair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

"Why not?"  
"What? Why do I have to have a reason?"  
"Is that a fucking joke right now?"  
"I just don't want us to make a huge mistake."  
"A huge mistake? Is that what you call having a family with me?"  
"We _are_ a family, Chloe!"  
"Yes I know"  
"Since when am I not enough for you anymore?"  
"Oh come on!"  
"What? That's a perfectly legitimate question. Tell me."  
"You ... that's ... urghhh! That's not the point."  
"Oh no ?! What's the point Chloe?"  
"Why don't you want a baby with me?"  
"Because I just don't want one."  
"That makes no sense."  
"Are you kidding me? Of course that makes sense, it's not as if I wanted a bunch of children yesterday and suddenly not anymore today. You started to pressure me and I've been dealing with this bullshit now for what, two years, no, longer, it's been almost three years."  
"I'm not putting you under pressure, I was fucking the personified patience, but ..."  
"But what, Chloe? What?"  
"I'm 32 Rachel, can't you see, like... if we started now, it could work until my 33rd birthday. Think about it, what a nice birthday surprise that would be?"  
"No"  
"Don't just say no."  
"No"  
"Rachel, we've read all the books, taken the infant care class, kept our friends' children alive, interviewed our mothers, turned the guest room into an alternative nursery, we're ready."  
"No, you did all of these things. I had very little to do with all that, except the process of finding a new house."  
"That doesn't change the fact that we're ready. We have the means, we have secure jobs, I've been tracking my cycle for freaking eighteen months now and have been taking my vitamins and supplements. If we don't adopt, I am going to carry our baby, we just need to find a suitable donor. We're ready. "  
"You are ready."  
"Rachel."  
"No."  
"Don't always just say no. You can't decide that on your own."  
"Oh, but you can?"  
"That's not what I meant by that."  
"Is that your inner clock? Your brain telling you, you're going to die soon, so let's procreate?!"  
"Maybe, so what? It could be, but it doesn't matter."  
"I think it does."  
"Why?"  
"Because I won't be happy, if you force a child on me."  
"I'm forcing you ??? Tell me, are you listening to yourself?"  
"Of course you do! You keep bringing other people's children home, making a fool of yourself wherever we go, looking at baby clothes, trying to get me to look at baby pictures, holding them, smelling them and constantly trying to find the cheapest ways to manipulate me into having children with you. "  
"I'm not manipulating you, babe, I just don't understand what you're so afraid of."  
"I'm not afraid."  
"You will be a great mother, our baby will be so happy."  
"No."  
"Rachel, we are not like your parents."  
"Chloe-"  
"We're not like Mom and David, we're not like Mom and Dad, although that would be nice, we're gonna do our own thing, as we have always done and still do. You and me."  
"You and me."  
"What?"  
"Yes, exactly. No way, just you and me. You mean you and me and our six adopted children."  
"Rachel, I love you. I always have. You don't have to be afraid. Our six adopted children will enrich our lives."  
"No thank you"  
"You are being selfish."  
"Me ??? I am selfish? Are you kidding?"  
"No, this is not a joke, you only think about yourself and that you could then no longer be the center of the world and that-"  
"MY UTERUS IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION - Neither is yours! My disinterest in having a child with you has nothing to do with fear or selfishness!"  
"Great and now you're yelling at me."  
"You refuse to listen to me otherwise."  
"Let me ask you once and for all, you- you don't, under any circumstances, ever want to have a child with me?"  
"Finally you got me."

"Chloe?"  
"Okay."  
"Okay?"  
"Yes."  
"Really? You seem very ..."  
"I said it was okay."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

"Chloe, I've reheated your food three times now, your meat has gotten all dry. When are you coming home? I thought you'd be here before me tonight. Send"

Rachel placed the cake bell over Chloe's plate in the kitchen and turned off the light.  
In the bedroom she put on her reading glasses and picked up the yellowed original edition, an heirloom from her father, who had died a few months ago.  
Chloe and her had flown to Arcadia Bay right when Rose's call came, but he was already too sick and died a few hours before their plane landed.  
  
Rachel kicked the blanket around her feet and pushed all the things that had remained unspoken between them far from her thoughts, and yet she could still find herself listening to the old clock ticking in the living room and reading the same page over and over again until the ink looked strangely blurry and wet and she finally noticed that she was crying.

"33" !!! one of the balloons literally shouted at her.  
She took it by the string and tied it to the back of her office chair so she wouldn't have to see it.  
A large bouquet of brightly colored flowers, especially jasmine, made her smile.  
Because Chloe was on the early shift, Rachel hadn't seen her that morning. It didn't really matter which shift Chloe signed up for though, because her wife had recently changed to a management position and now took on significantly more responsibility and therefore often left the house early and came home late.

Rachel searched everything thoroughly but found no card, then Sidney appeared.  
"I hope you like them," he cheered, leaning against the doorway of her office. Everyone chipped in for you girrrl. Happy birthday Rachel."

"Oh," Rachel said, trying to hide her surprise.  
The flowers weren't a gift from Chloe at all.  
"I ... um, I brought cake."  
"Nice," said Sidney and took it from Rachel to sniff it and put it in the kitchen.  
"Thank you."  
"Since you're going to be here for a short time today, Emerson has a case to discuss with you."  
"No no, on the contrary Sid, I'm planning to work an hour or two overtime. My wife is not home anyway, so ..."  
"Oh, uh, okay. Is everything alright between...?"  
"Yes of course." Rachel clapped her hands to get him moving. "Get to work Mister, nobody has gotten rich from standing around."

Her colleague disappeared and Rachel called the new intern she had been assigned.  
"Happy birthday Mrs. Price."  
"Thanks Lynn, do you have my files?"  
"Yes, ma'm."  
"Since you will probably be celebrating tonight, I wanted to ask you something, so uh ..."  
"No, I'll work the full number of hours, maybe longer."  
"Oh."  
"Lynn, if you have plans for today, please act on them, but also allow me to say that hot pants are not suitable for this office. No offense. You look good but not professional."  
Lynn blushed and left the room mumbling an apology.  
Rachel sighed. She looked after her, as the young girl full of hopes and dreams, ambitious and full of energy and yet risk taking when it came to appearance, walked away and she thought of herself for a moment, in shorts and cropped tops, it had been a different time, she was thirty-three years old today. Even if she tried, not that she wanted to, she would never be able to force her butt into such tight pants today.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

"We don't laugh together anymore, we often don't manage to have dinner together, she kisses the cat when she comes home but not me.  
On my birthday she surprised me, she came home at night and brought me a rose and said we would go on a trip to the lake the following weekend. When we did, it rained the whole time. We had nothing to say to each other. Nothing at all."

"Did you express your desire to your wife of wanting to be more intimate with her?"  
  
"More intimate?" Rachel laughed scornfully.  
"I can't even tell the last time we had sex. I think I remember snow falling outside the window."

"Chloe, you are very quiet. You haven't said anything since you sat down. Would you like to add something to what your wife said?  
"Nope," Chloe uncrossed her arms, then crossed them again.

"I get the impression that you are rather skeptical. Am I correct?"  
Chloe didn't answer. Her eyes fell on the certificate on the wall. This bitch had studied at the same university as Rachel. Sure, of course.

"Chloe, you seem distracted. I was just asking if there was a reason you didn't want to join the conversation this morning. Are you uncomfortable around me?"

Chloe turned her eyes away from the second certificate. She closed them for a moment. "Many years ago my father was killed in an accident. After that, I had discussions with several therapists. I didn't particularly enjoy that."  
Chloe looked over at Rachel, who in turn was watching her closely.

"I see. However you came to talk to me today and I want to thank you both for it.  
Let me ask you both this question: what is your ultimate goal? "

"What?" Chloe and Rachel both asked at the same time.

"What do you expect from our meetings?"  
Chloe stared at the counselor. What the fuck?

"My wife just told you what the problem is, I am a monster and she is a saint who can no longer cope with my moodswings. So we hope you can fix me so that I am sickly nice in the future and sweet as sugar, so sweet that you get cancer from it. "

Rachel glared at Chloe but said nothing.  
It was Chloe's idea to come here.  
Off to a great start.

"Let me put it this way.  
There are two reasons couples come to see me.  
One is that a partner wants to end the relationship but doesn't know how."  
  
Chloe and Rachel looked at each other, both of them cautious, somewhat alerted. The unspoken lingering.  
  
"The second reason is, both partners are stuck and want to work on their relationship with each other to maintain their relationship and make it stronger."  
  
Rachel and Chloe continued to stare at each other until the counselor interrupted them with a polite, discreet cough.  
"Well? What do you think?"

Chloe cleared her throat.  
"I love my wife. Above all. I don't want to leave her. I want to fix myself. I mean us, I mean... I- I screwed up, I ... I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose you Rachel. Please.  
I know you hate me right now and you have every reason to, but please ... please give me a chance.  
Let's do this, together.  
You- you're not leaving me, right? "

"Rachel?"

"No of course not."  
  
"Well then," said the counselor, "then we have already agreed on an important goal. Let's start working towards it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

"Hello mom" Chloe waited for the disinfectant spray to dry on her hands before hugging her mother and kissing her cheek. "You look good today, better."  
Chloe avoided looking her mother straight in the eyes.  
If she was being completely honest, she had had a hard time to enter her hospital room. Joyce had looked very sick, old, gray and fragile the last time Chloe was here. She hated hospitals. Back then, Chloe had said goodbye to her with a stone in her stomach and a hole in her heart.  
Then she had driven to the house and sat in silence with her stepfather in the kitchen.  
When he started crying, her eyes filled with tears and they hugged, only for the second time in Chloe's life.  
The first time had been at her and Rachel's wedding.  
  


"What do you have there mom?"  
Joyce smiled weakly.  
"It's a special hairbrush. I like the way it feels, it doesn't scratch my scalp but I'm afraid the nurses don't have enough time and I've been a little clumsy lately."  
Chloe looked at her mother, who had pulled a nice bathrobe over her neat Sunday clothes, on the small table next to her a card showing exotic dried flowers.

Chloe stepped around the wheelchair behind her mother, picked up the brush and began gently brushing Joyce's hair. At least the bit of fluff that was left on her head.  
"Thank you my darling," her mother whispered and Chloe could feel Joyce relax.

Half an hour later, Chloe rang for a nurse and she helped her gently put Joyce to bed and propped her up with pillows.  
"You look pale," she remarked. "Maybe you want to go down to the cafeteria?"  
"No thanks," Chloe replied quietly, "I just want to sit here and watch my mom sleep"  
"Yes of course, you do that honey, she had a good day today."  
  
Chloe held Joyce's hand for a moment, stroking her small fingers.  
"I love you mom," she whispered, then turned away.

Her gaze fell on the card again, she rubbed it, remembering that she had made one just like these as a child.  
For a moment she thought of Max, whom she hadn't spoken to in a long time.  
The scent of jasmine spread across Chloe's palms.  
She thought of Rachel and had to swallow hard and pull herself together to not sob out loud.

Only now could she read the words that had been written on the card and she recognized the handwriting immediately.  
A squared picture was enclosed, it showed a woman in a stylish snowsuit. On top of Mount Everest.

Rachel had sent the hairbrush that her mother enjoyed so much, Rachel had sent the scent card.  
Rachel thought of Joyce wherever she was or went.

When she was sure that her mother was sleeping calmly and breathing steadily, Chloe got up quietly and left the hospital.  
She drove to Cedar Ave. For a moment she considered putting the ladder against the wall and sneaking into her old room without David noticing.  
But then she shook her head with a sad smile at her own stupidity and unlocked the front door, she greeted her stepfather by simply not saying anything and he just nodded silently and then looked out into the backyard, just like he did before.

Chloe went upstairs, sat on her old bed, and got her cell phone out of her jeanspocket.

Rachel's latest video showed an artistic montage of her climbing Everest. The title being "I finally did it ..."

She gave the video a thumbs up and turned off her cell when "Adressing the rumors - uploaded eight months ago" appeared in her recommondations.

Then she got up slowly, went over to her suitcase, which she finally unpacked and put her things in the old chest of drawers that her father had once built for her.  
When she reached the bottom of the suitcase, she picked up the papers and after rummaging for a pen on the desk for a while, she straightened up and without hesitation signed the papers that would seal her divorce.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Rachel are living their life together and couldn't be happier, but there is this one thing Chloe wants to have... in the near future.

Chloe slowly stroked the wet wood, light drizzle had softened it in the places that still reminded of the bench, which it had been before the vandalism attack.  
This bench had been here for as long as she could remember. In the shadow of the lighthouse, in the center of the cliff.  
Here she grew up, became a woman.  
With the sun over the bay, perhaps one day her infinite pain would go under.  
The longer she looked at the waves that crashed and also washed up on the beach with force, the more hope she felt that one day she would be able to drown her excessive longing in them.

  
"Was that you?" asked a voice not far away.  
"No." Chloe said quietly without turning around.  
"I always wanted to keep our memories, not destroy them."  
"Yeah, I know."

Chloe didn't have to turn around, wasn't afraid to appear rude.  
Rachel had stood next to her at the funeral, not in the second row, not at the very back, not like she wasn't one of them or belong with them.  
The whole town had paid their respects to Joyce Madsen, formerly Price, everyone had known her and everyone had known her husband and everyone knew her daughter and everyone remembered her beautiful wife, now ex wife, who had been Joyce's daughter-in-law for many years and of whom she always had spoken with so much awe and admiration, and so they had stood silently and crying next to each other and tried to keep breathing and when the coffin started to sink into the ground, the grave of William Price welcomed another inhabitant and Chloe sobbed loudly, Rachel pressed Chloe's hand so tight that the knuckles turned white that for the first time in days, Chloe felt something other than the hole in her heart that was burning and growing, and Chloe realized that Rachel wasn't going to let go of her hand and that she also didn't want her to, Chloe realized that she was allowed to just fall, just be weak and destroyed and broken and defeated, she felt herself breaking inside, fell and yet she also knew that she would not hit the bottom all by herself.  
Yes, Rachel had loved her once, maybe still loved her, and she had loved Joyce, she had every right to be here, and it was the most fucked up reason ever that she had to be here at all.  
  
  
"Do you want to sit with me?", asked Chloe half joking and attempted to sit on whatever was left of the bench, before walking closer to the cliff, Rachel in toe.  
Rachel sat on her legs and held herself with her arms, leaning her head against Chloe's shoulder. Her blazer was stained from tears and she could taste the salt on her lips, when she licked over them.  
  
"When I heard, she was no longer with us, I had to come. I didn't even give it a second thought. When I arrived here was when I doubted myself and if I really should, but when I saw you, I just- I had to."  
"You should be here, I'm glad you're here, I'm sad you're here. I wish you werent, but I am thankful you are."

Chloe started to cry again, she didn't wipe away her tears, there was no need to.  
She hugged Rachel and hot tears full of sadness and anger and bitterness and regret soaked Rachel's hair.  
  
  
After a few minutes, Rachel gently wiped Chloe's face, letting her know that some had asked about her.  
"I told them to piss off and leave you alone." Chloe had to laugh, it sounded strange in her throat, but it felt strangely good, familiar.

"David talked about selling the house soon and settle somewhere else, he even metioned a retirement home, but I don't think so."  
"You don't?"  
"Nah, I want to keep it."  
"Of course you do," smiled Rachel, knowingly.  
  
"I mean... yeah. My Dad built this house, along with others, so I think,... I think I should, you know... I am thinking about adding on, maybe I could turn it into a bed and breakfast, I mean there are a lot of tourists traveling to Portland through Arcadia Bay. I could open up the living space more, turn it into a large common area and serve over-night guests breakfast, maybe even lunch, I could try and build a couple bedrooms, bathrooms and use the top of the house as private living space for David, so that he can stay in the house he shared with his wife. If he wants that. I don't know if I am way in over my head... is that just a crazy thought?"  
Rachel wiped a tear from her eye.  
"No. It's so you. What a truly beautiful person you are. What a wonderful way to honor your mother and father and stepfather."  
Chloe nodded and took Rachel's hand, it felt real, it felt good, for a moment, then she remembered and let go, placing it on her own knee, it felt wrong, empty.  
Rachel had been her wife for over thirteen years, they had been through hell and back together, both shared a dead parent already and now a dead mother and mother-in-law as well, they had said everything and done everything to each other in all those years...

"When, when do you get used to it? When does it stop?" Chloe asked. "How long did it take you to come to terms with all of this?"  
"I don't think I ever came to terms with it."  
  
Rachel pressed a little closer to Chloe, the wind had picked up, she was crying.  
Why was it even possible that Chloe could have meant either the loss of a parent or the divorce of their marriage?  
She ran her sleeve over her face and when she looked up and tears glistened on Chloe's flushed cheeks, she carefully brushed them away.  
  
  
"I - I would like to visit you when the hotel, I mean, the bed and breakfast is ready, maybe even before, when I am in town, I'm going to the cemetery anyway, since I have to look after my Dad's grave and I am spending more time with Mom now. I could step by, if you wanted, I... I mean, if that's okay."  
"Really? I didn't know you were planning on coming back here more often."  
"Yeah ... I don't know where I'm going to live next, but my apartment in New York is losing it's appeal and I, I just don't know. I don't want to go back to California. Not now."  
  


"I always wanted to have you close to me, Rachel. After our breakup, I didn't know what to do with myself and just stayed in LA but when Mom got so sick, I had to come here and now I'm here and don't know what to do with myself again. I am alone."  
"You're not alone."  
"Yes, I am, I'm a big girl, I can take it."  
"You don't have to be alone if you don't want that... When I left Chloe, I thought I felt that our problems were too big and I was not what you needed but I should have stayed, I made them even bigger."  
"No. You did the right thing, I wanted to turn you into something that you didn't want to be, to have a life with you that did not suit you."  
"Yes. Just that I didn't know what I wanted, just what I definitely didn't want. But then as a result I had a life without you and I never wanted that either.  
I always had a plan for almost everything and sometimes I didn't have one and was somehow lost but you were always a part of my plan, always a part of my life and when you suddenly weren't part of my life anymore, nothing made sense anymore. It didn't matter what I wanted, it didn't matter whether I had a plan or not. "  
"I was an asshole. I did everything wrong, everything."  
"Me too."  
  


They looked out over the water for a while.  
  
  


Chloe wondered what would happen if she didn't dive into the bay today. What if she would make it another day? With the burning hole in her heart, having dinner with Rachel at her house? What if she didn't jump off that goddamn cliff until tomorrow?  
  


"Chloe," Rachel said, very quietly and she took her elbow, hooked herself under and then looked directly at her.  
"I loved being your wife, we didn't do that wrong and ... and I know we're thirty-seven now, but ... if you ever asked me again if I wanted to have a child with you, I wouldn't say no."  
"And would you say yes?"  
"Yes."

  
  



End file.
